Sunday, February 13, 2005
Well.......This Chinese New Year holidays must be the worse yet.......
Even though it was a precious 5 days away from the regimented lifestyle of the army, I wasted it. Utterly. Even though there were the red packets of money to be collected, visiting relatives has become something of a pointless exercise to me. I mean, all my cousins have become distant to me.......and all the older generation do is gamble. Mahjong, cards, that's about all that happens every year, and even my cousins are doing it now. It's not that I'm against gambling, but it's that I just ain't a gambler, and so, every CNY for years past, I have found myself isolated from them because I don't join in much.......it's depressing, to say the least. I don't feel much like a part of the family anymore, to be honest.
It could have been better, perhaps. But when most of your friends are also out visiting relatives, or even working, it means that the 5-day weekend was in vain. The result, I've just about wasted the 5 days for nothing. The only people I could contact regularly now was Jess, who also has her own programmes, Abigail, ditto, and NeNe, who has also disappeared the past few days, perhaps already in Germany and uncontactable for 3 weeks. Even N has turned against me, once more, and right now it's time I gave her the cold shoulder for a while.
I dunno......perhaps I would have been better off without the 5 days. It has made me sadder than at any time in my life.
The only real interesting thing that happened was my crashing of Zouk by myself last night. It's way better than ChinaBlack.....perhaps too much better. Having a US Navy dude come to you, introduce you to all his buddies on his ship, and promising a girl to spend the night with, is somewhat scary for me. I bugged out at around 1 AM, and well, yeah, that's how pathetic I was. The nightlife isn't for me, perhaps, but for now, I have learned at least one lesson: Never crash Zouk by yourself unprepared.
Anyway........soon i'll be booking in once more, more depressed than I remember being. It all just blows right now, seriously.
Even though it was a precious 5 days away from the regimented lifestyle of the army, I wasted it. Utterly. Even though there were the red packets of money to be collected, visiting relatives has become something of a pointless exercise to me. I mean, all my cousins have become distant to me.......and all the older generation do is gamble. Mahjong, cards, that's about all that happens every year, and even my cousins are doing it now. It's not that I'm against gambling, but it's that I just ain't a gambler, and so, every CNY for years past, I have found myself isolated from them because I don't join in much.......it's depressing, to say the least. I don't feel much like a part of the family anymore, to be honest.
It could have been better, perhaps. But when most of your friends are also out visiting relatives, or even working, it means that the 5-day weekend was in vain. The result, I've just about wasted the 5 days for nothing. The only people I could contact regularly now was Jess, who also has her own programmes, Abigail, ditto, and NeNe, who has also disappeared the past few days, perhaps already in Germany and uncontactable for 3 weeks. Even N has turned against me, once more, and right now it's time I gave her the cold shoulder for a while.
I dunno......perhaps I would have been better off without the 5 days. It has made me sadder than at any time in my life.
The only real interesting thing that happened was my crashing of Zouk by myself last night. It's way better than ChinaBlack.....perhaps too much better. Having a US Navy dude come to you, introduce you to all his buddies on his ship, and promising a girl to spend the night with, is somewhat scary for me. I bugged out at around 1 AM, and well, yeah, that's how pathetic I was. The nightlife isn't for me, perhaps, but for now, I have learned at least one lesson: Never crash Zouk by yourself unprepared.
Anyway........soon i'll be booking in once more, more depressed than I remember being. It all just blows right now, seriously.
Friday, February 11, 2005
You're Asuran!
Gundam Seed Character Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla
LOL......I should have known. Yes, I'm a Gundam SEED fan :D
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
It all just blows right now, seriously.
I'm totally dissatisfied with army life. I mean, I seriously am. Being stuck on guard duty is no fun, but it was what happened to me last weekend. Boy, oh boy, does it suck. And especially after enduring a gruelling, pointless field camp too. End result, I had to endure more than 2 weeks of the army, before the CNY holidays finally came. 5 days of absolute freedom, which, to be honest, is a LOT.
And just when what I have been dreaming off finally came......it still has been proving to be a fruitless hope so far.
Okay, maybe I am being vague here. In other words, CNY, with its 5 days of off-duty, seemed heaven-sent, especially to a world-weary recruit like me, tired of the toils of army and wishing only for civilian life. That civilian life, where you could go meet your friends in Orchard Road, and have fun together. Real fun.
So, tell me, my friends. If you were in my place, what would you feel if you realised, on the first day of CNY, that all the friends you ever had before you became will not be there for you. They are all busy, have their own families to visit, or have just.....vanished, into thin air. Tell me, everyone. How would you feel? How would you cope?
Do please tell me. Because I don't know how.
Alright, I know that I am definitely being selfish. I mean, I should've expected that, right? It's CNY for goodness sake, you gotta expect that everyone else is busy collecting angpows, Kai. They are human beings, dude, they have their own lives, they can't be there for you whenever you need them, and then just disappear when you've had fun with them. You can't expect them to be always there for you, so deal with it, fuckhead.
Yes. That last paragraph is basically what i've been telling myself all through today, the first day of CNY. I've been telling myself that, just to put my selfish thoughts into perspective. And yet........I don't know how well it's working. Yes, I can accept that fact. Yes, I can accept that maybe I'll have to wait until next time to meet them. Yes, I can accept the fact that our lives are becoming divergent, and there's no helping it.
But no. I cannot help the fact that I still miss them loads, and wish only to meet with them once more. Of all things to happen.......You see, Kai? Not so long ago, you were just a PJC student, you go there every morning, and you see them all every morning in class. EL, ST, WR, JJ, the whole lot, and you all have fun together every day, talking, laughing. You had a good life, you always saw them, you loved being with them.........and yet you never fully appreciate them. Now you see, Kai? Now you're stuck in the hellhole that is Army, and you can no longer see them as often. And you wish to see them once more, and when you find they are no longer in your life, you rant, you rave, like the stupid fool that you are......all because Army has taught you to appreciate what is no longer yours to have. You suck, Kai. You truly do. You can't even explore a new path to mediocrity, but you have to follow the tried and tested path of loserhood.......that path of underappreciation until it became too late. Now is that all you can do, rave to yourself, while the world goes on with its collective life?
Argh. Why am I torturing myself like that? Gah......forget it. Next time.
I'm totally dissatisfied with army life. I mean, I seriously am. Being stuck on guard duty is no fun, but it was what happened to me last weekend. Boy, oh boy, does it suck. And especially after enduring a gruelling, pointless field camp too. End result, I had to endure more than 2 weeks of the army, before the CNY holidays finally came. 5 days of absolute freedom, which, to be honest, is a LOT.
And just when what I have been dreaming off finally came......it still has been proving to be a fruitless hope so far.
Okay, maybe I am being vague here. In other words, CNY, with its 5 days of off-duty, seemed heaven-sent, especially to a world-weary recruit like me, tired of the toils of army and wishing only for civilian life. That civilian life, where you could go meet your friends in Orchard Road, and have fun together. Real fun.
So, tell me, my friends. If you were in my place, what would you feel if you realised, on the first day of CNY, that all the friends you ever had before you became will not be there for you. They are all busy, have their own families to visit, or have just.....vanished, into thin air. Tell me, everyone. How would you feel? How would you cope?
Do please tell me. Because I don't know how.
Alright, I know that I am definitely being selfish. I mean, I should've expected that, right? It's CNY for goodness sake, you gotta expect that everyone else is busy collecting angpows, Kai. They are human beings, dude, they have their own lives, they can't be there for you whenever you need them, and then just disappear when you've had fun with them. You can't expect them to be always there for you, so deal with it, fuckhead.
Yes. That last paragraph is basically what i've been telling myself all through today, the first day of CNY. I've been telling myself that, just to put my selfish thoughts into perspective. And yet........I don't know how well it's working. Yes, I can accept that fact. Yes, I can accept that maybe I'll have to wait until next time to meet them. Yes, I can accept the fact that our lives are becoming divergent, and there's no helping it.
But no. I cannot help the fact that I still miss them loads, and wish only to meet with them once more. Of all things to happen.......You see, Kai? Not so long ago, you were just a PJC student, you go there every morning, and you see them all every morning in class. EL, ST, WR, JJ, the whole lot, and you all have fun together every day, talking, laughing. You had a good life, you always saw them, you loved being with them.........and yet you never fully appreciate them. Now you see, Kai? Now you're stuck in the hellhole that is Army, and you can no longer see them as often. And you wish to see them once more, and when you find they are no longer in your life, you rant, you rave, like the stupid fool that you are......all because Army has taught you to appreciate what is no longer yours to have. You suck, Kai. You truly do. You can't even explore a new path to mediocrity, but you have to follow the tried and tested path of loserhood.......that path of underappreciation until it became too late. Now is that all you can do, rave to yourself, while the world goes on with its collective life?
Argh. Why am I torturing myself like that? Gah......forget it. Next time.
