Sunday, November 23, 2003
Oh boy, today's one helluva day. Went walking everywhere all day. First Lot 1, then I pumped Orchard Road until 5, then it was Sun Plaza, before i went home at 11. I never did this before, and it felt sooooo good. The side effect is, now i have a headache from dehydration:S
I now realsie just how empty my life is. There's no one to share all this with me. No one. No friends. The Lone Ranger, gliding through the bustle of human life, leaving no footsteps, forgotten by everyone, totally ignored. No one cares. He just glides on, unnoticed. Unseen. And he disappears into the stream. Does anyone see? No.
Damn, now i'm spouting rhetoric.
Better go to sleep now.
I now realsie just how empty my life is. There's no one to share all this with me. No one. No friends. The Lone Ranger, gliding through the bustle of human life, leaving no footsteps, forgotten by everyone, totally ignored. No one cares. He just glides on, unnoticed. Unseen. And he disappears into the stream. Does anyone see? No.
Damn, now i'm spouting rhetoric.
Better go to sleep now.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Here's a poem:
Searching For Myself
Drifting through life
Without an aim,
Wondering where
It all began.
Having forgot
What life is all about,
Just wandering,
Never living.
Searching for myself,
For whoever I was,
Whoever I am now,
And whoever I might be.
Until then,
Just drifting,
Wandering,
Soulless.
Searching For Myself
Drifting through life
Without an aim,
Wondering where
It all began.
Having forgot
What life is all about,
Just wandering,
Never living.
Searching for myself,
For whoever I was,
Whoever I am now,
And whoever I might be.
Until then,
Just drifting,
Wandering,
Soulless.
Thursday, November 13, 2003
PW presentation went along real smooth today. I'm pretty sure my OP will get some good marks, even if the rest of my PW aren't so good.......argh, i'm not going to think about that again.
Abigail's resumed regular correspondence with me.......so happy!!!!;p
Later.
Abigail's resumed regular correspondence with me.......so happy!!!!;p
Later.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Today was a bad day. Caine never came today, so our group has been rescheduled to Thrusday afternoon, the last day in PJC's PW OP timetable. How bad can it get? Apparently, it can. I let my anger get the worst of me today, and absolutely refused to wait anymore for nothing. Now, Sylvia's pissed with me, and I with her, and the PW is going all haywire. How bad can it get?
Just wanna lay back and forgt everything. Don't wanna think about PW anymore. Don't wanna think about anything anymore. Selfish? Me? So be it, I can't care less.
Just wanna lay back and forgt everything. Don't wanna think about PW anymore. Don't wanna think about anything anymore. Selfish? Me? So be it, I can't care less.
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Yesterday was a good day. Ok, not like, VERY good, but it’s fine. CLAO was a breeze, then i went to watch the Matrix Revolutions......and all i can say is, it sucks. Oh, okay, by itself it was okay, but compared to the genius shown in the first Matrix and Reloaded, Revolutions was a disappointment, a disgrace, it didn't live up to the high standards at all. Disappointing......i will not give out any spoilers here, but i'll suggest saving yourself 3 hours of your life, and spend it thinking of a better storyline to Revolutions. Then, Abigail finally sent me a yesterday, and she's promoted also. That's good, we both managed to survive this promos. Now i wonder how the others are doing.........
Today was a bore. Just wake up, go for piano lesson, go to Lot 1 to find that the group has almost totally disappeared, and went home to hack at ZH. That's all.
Next time.
Today was a bore. Just wake up, go for piano lesson, go to Lot 1 to find that the group has almost totally disappeared, and went home to hack at ZH. That's all.
Next time.
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Life really blows.
The final results are out: I'm promoted. J2 next year for certain. But that doesn't comfort me very much in the end.
A06 is no more. Out of 24, only 13 has survived the storm. The rest have fallen short. Half the class is out, or still barely hanging on. The rest of us are also rumoured that we will be split too. A06 is definitely no more. The story has ended.
Right now i'm questioning whether i am still human. Everywhere i look i see grief, and i sense it, but i can't understand it, can't share in it, can't experience the shared grief of friendship, no matter how hard i try. Yet it hit me hard. I'm still thinking about it as i sit here, wondering at the strength of such bonding even at the brink of seperation, yet unable to know what it really is.
Still, i feel it keenly. And that, coupled with the memory of the same sense of loss back then at the last day of secondary school, has inspired me today:
The Story Ends Here
Our story ended here
today.
There will be no more episodes,
no more scenes.
For we have been parted,
and cruelly so.
But life pays us no heed,
and so it goes on uncaring.
Never again shall we share
times we've always taken for granted.
No more is the identity
that binds us as one.
Grief has taken over
and our world is colored with grey.
But time pays us no respect,
and with haste pushes us along.
The future seems so bleak
and we are torn apart.
Friendships, though everlasting,
will be stretched beyond repair.
Memories, though forever,
will fade away slowly.
And the story about us
will one day be no more.
Yet despair not, for although we may scatter
like grains of sand in the wind,
Yet fading memories may still be beautiful,
and friendships may never end.
For isn't the memories of good times,
and friendships potent seeds?
That will one day grow the crops
of the bonds of tomorrow.
The final results are out: I'm promoted. J2 next year for certain. But that doesn't comfort me very much in the end.
A06 is no more. Out of 24, only 13 has survived the storm. The rest have fallen short. Half the class is out, or still barely hanging on. The rest of us are also rumoured that we will be split too. A06 is definitely no more. The story has ended.
Right now i'm questioning whether i am still human. Everywhere i look i see grief, and i sense it, but i can't understand it, can't share in it, can't experience the shared grief of friendship, no matter how hard i try. Yet it hit me hard. I'm still thinking about it as i sit here, wondering at the strength of such bonding even at the brink of seperation, yet unable to know what it really is.
Still, i feel it keenly. And that, coupled with the memory of the same sense of loss back then at the last day of secondary school, has inspired me today:
The Story Ends Here
Our story ended here
today.
There will be no more episodes,
no more scenes.
For we have been parted,
and cruelly so.
But life pays us no heed,
and so it goes on uncaring.
Never again shall we share
times we've always taken for granted.
No more is the identity
that binds us as one.
Grief has taken over
and our world is colored with grey.
But time pays us no respect,
and with haste pushes us along.
The future seems so bleak
and we are torn apart.
Friendships, though everlasting,
will be stretched beyond repair.
Memories, though forever,
will fade away slowly.
And the story about us
will one day be no more.
Yet despair not, for although we may scatter
like grains of sand in the wind,
Yet fading memories may still be beautiful,
and friendships may never end.
For isn't the memories of good times,
and friendships potent seeds?
That will one day grow the crops
of the bonds of tomorrow.
Monday, November 03, 2003
Today is a good day and a bad day. The storm has passed. And i have survived it.
Anyway, got back my results today. Damn......made it, but just barely. What i can't understand is how i could have failed History........:( Oh well, time to just wait for the overall next week and see if i get promoted, but i think i should be a J2 next year. Anyway, i've passed my promos, and that's all that counts.....for now.
A lot of crying today. And cheers too. Cheers to those who survived the test. Crying for those who fell. Emotions running way high. It's almost unbearable. Wonder how tomorrow is gonna be like. Would there even be anyone coming to college anymore?
Well, that's all there is to it then. Now it's time to concentrate on the CLAO and the Oral Presentation.
Anyway, got back my results today. Damn......made it, but just barely. What i can't understand is how i could have failed History........:( Oh well, time to just wait for the overall next week and see if i get promoted, but i think i should be a J2 next year. Anyway, i've passed my promos, and that's all that counts.....for now.
A lot of crying today. And cheers too. Cheers to those who survived the test. Crying for those who fell. Emotions running way high. It's almost unbearable. Wonder how tomorrow is gonna be like. Would there even be anyone coming to college anymore?
Well, that's all there is to it then. Now it's time to concentrate on the CLAO and the Oral Presentation.
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Tomorrow is the day they give out my results. Tomorrow is the day the authorities give their judgement. Tomorrow is the day I either leap with unbridled joy, or sink down to the lowest depths of my depression.
It's funny, isn't it. A person may cuss all he wants, he may act the rebel all he wants, he may denounce anything until he's content, and at the end of the day, if he doesn't play by the rules the authorities set, the authorities still hold the power to damn the rebel down to all eternity. It's all simple: It's basically just TGOST all over again. You don't play by the rules set down by History, and History will sent its henchman to collect its dues.
Nothing much i can do now.
Anyway.......nothing. Nothing else. No more.
It's funny, isn't it. A person may cuss all he wants, he may act the rebel all he wants, he may denounce anything until he's content, and at the end of the day, if he doesn't play by the rules the authorities set, the authorities still hold the power to damn the rebel down to all eternity. It's all simple: It's basically just TGOST all over again. You don't play by the rules set down by History, and History will sent its henchman to collect its dues.
Nothing much i can do now.
Anyway.......nothing. Nothing else. No more.
Saturday, November 01, 2003
Today....no, make that YESTERDAY, was an ok day. Breezed through SAT, although it gave me a headache later. Then, after piano, i went and searched for a piano scorebook, didn't quite find what i wanted, but oh well, at least there was something i liked. Then, came home to find the entire house full of family. Ok, no big deal. That's all, until now.
Now there's 3 more things to wait for, the promo results, the audition, and CLAO. Why can't they make the giving out of results earlier? Damn the authorities. Anyway, make that 4.....still waiting for Abigail to contact me again.
I'm sleepy, so i'll better log off before i post anything stupid.
Now there's 3 more things to wait for, the promo results, the audition, and CLAO. Why can't they make the giving out of results earlier? Damn the authorities. Anyway, make that 4.....still waiting for Abigail to contact me again.
I'm sleepy, so i'll better log off before i post anything stupid.
