Saturday, October 30, 2004
Okay, i admit, I'm an incorrigible voyeur. So sue me. If you even know i'm reading your blog, that is.
The thing is.......how can you dislike a person in real life, face to face, and yet find that he or she is not the person you think he or she is at the most personal level? How is it that when you read her thoughts, you find that she is not who you think he/she was, and far from being the jerk or bitch you actually hate for what he/she stands for? What do you do at that point? Can you swear off your conscience, and continue lambasting him/her as the baddie you'll rather think he/she is, or do you try to treat him/her better, and risk being misunderstood all over again?
It is what you call a moral dilemma..........and the thing about blogging, is that this creates a moral dilemma unlike any other.
Should you even be reading someone else's blog when they don't know about you doing so?
What do you do?
The thing is.......how can you dislike a person in real life, face to face, and yet find that he or she is not the person you think he or she is at the most personal level? How is it that when you read her thoughts, you find that she is not who you think he/she was, and far from being the jerk or bitch you actually hate for what he/she stands for? What do you do at that point? Can you swear off your conscience, and continue lambasting him/her as the baddie you'll rather think he/she is, or do you try to treat him/her better, and risk being misunderstood all over again?
It is what you call a moral dilemma..........and the thing about blogging, is that this creates a moral dilemma unlike any other.
Should you even be reading someone else's blog when they don't know about you doing so?
What do you do?
Friday, October 29, 2004
Ok, I'm feeling a bit melancholy here.
The reality of the fact that i don't have much time to see my friends anymore is starting to hit me in the face. Pretty soon, we're all going to be taking the exam we've been preparing for the past 2 years, and after that, only the Grad Night is left.
Then, boom. We'll probably never see each other again for years upon end.
It just........it's just too hard to take. PJC, despite its many faults, is the one place i've ever truly feel at home with.......the people, despite their faults, are the people i can truly, for the first time, call my friends......this is where i first found myself, got an idea of who i truly was, and who i might just turn out to be, where i can say i was truly human......and it's all going to disappear before my eyes.
This is gonna hit me real hard, i can feel it. Harder than ever before, because for the first time, i could feel myself losing true friends for the first time in my life.......
The reality of the fact that i don't have much time to see my friends anymore is starting to hit me in the face. Pretty soon, we're all going to be taking the exam we've been preparing for the past 2 years, and after that, only the Grad Night is left.
Then, boom. We'll probably never see each other again for years upon end.
It just........it's just too hard to take. PJC, despite its many faults, is the one place i've ever truly feel at home with.......the people, despite their faults, are the people i can truly, for the first time, call my friends......this is where i first found myself, got an idea of who i truly was, and who i might just turn out to be, where i can say i was truly human......and it's all going to disappear before my eyes.
This is gonna hit me real hard, i can feel it. Harder than ever before, because for the first time, i could feel myself losing true friends for the first time in my life.......
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Only one more freaking week to the 'A' Levels.
Damned.
Damned.
Monday, October 25, 2004
A bombshell just hit me an hour ago.
LF is not taking the 'A's with us. She's repeating her second year. And.......she only told us today.
Damned.
It's pretty weird. I mean, just think of it. You'll be ahead, while a friend of yours, one you knew so well, is left behind. It's just too damned weird to think about.
Maybe not thinking about it is the key. Whatever......
LF is not taking the 'A's with us. She's repeating her second year. And.......she only told us today.
Damned.
It's pretty weird. I mean, just think of it. You'll be ahead, while a friend of yours, one you knew so well, is left behind. It's just too damned weird to think about.
Maybe not thinking about it is the key. Whatever......
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Well, AL, the girl i owed so much to back in my BPGHS days, have finally set up a blog of her own. You'll find a link of it here.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
How would i look back upon my 2 years in PJC?
Well......i would have to start from the first year. And there's only one word to describe last year: Horrible.
I mean, think about it. Almost the whole class shuns you, directly or indirectly, in-your-face or subtly, with words or with actions, and there's no one in the class you can turn to, since you're so different from them, your mindset clashes with theirs, and there's no one else to turn to. No one outside the class knows you exist, and inside the class......you face hell every day.
It's almost a wonder i didn't lose my mind from what i had been through.
Then came the second year. A year, in all my memory of my schooling days, is the best year. Ironic, isn't it, how the last year is the best year.
I'm still as different as ever. Probably nothing can change it. But at least this time, i found a group of good friends in the Infinity musical cast to tide me over early year, my new class.....well, they accepted i was different and still treated me like a human, at least, and i found a soul sista in N. Hell yeah, the second year was a lot better than any other year in my memory. I'm still treated as the different creature that i am, but at least i'm still treated as a fellow human being.
And well, after this year, there's no more to come.
Wow. The years pass so quickly. I've gotten less than my fair share of the good things in life, to my thinking, but it makes what i have got all the more sweeter. It's good to have something good to think about, at least.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I haven't had what can be considered as a normal growing up period. In fact i think it's pretty fucked up. But it's all i've got. And if there's something sweet in what i have as a memory, hell, it's good enough, right? Cause it's not like i'm gonna get anymore, as i enter a new period of my life next year, where i will go to some jungle island and learn to be a man.
Everyone has their own story to tell. This is mine. I've told my story for the past year. It has been sweet, it has been bitter.....a lot of bitter actually, but heck. And now......my story will enter another chapter very, very soon.
Good night, all.
Well......i would have to start from the first year. And there's only one word to describe last year: Horrible.
I mean, think about it. Almost the whole class shuns you, directly or indirectly, in-your-face or subtly, with words or with actions, and there's no one in the class you can turn to, since you're so different from them, your mindset clashes with theirs, and there's no one else to turn to. No one outside the class knows you exist, and inside the class......you face hell every day.
It's almost a wonder i didn't lose my mind from what i had been through.
Then came the second year. A year, in all my memory of my schooling days, is the best year. Ironic, isn't it, how the last year is the best year.
I'm still as different as ever. Probably nothing can change it. But at least this time, i found a group of good friends in the Infinity musical cast to tide me over early year, my new class.....well, they accepted i was different and still treated me like a human, at least, and i found a soul sista in N. Hell yeah, the second year was a lot better than any other year in my memory. I'm still treated as the different creature that i am, but at least i'm still treated as a fellow human being.
And well, after this year, there's no more to come.
Wow. The years pass so quickly. I've gotten less than my fair share of the good things in life, to my thinking, but it makes what i have got all the more sweeter. It's good to have something good to think about, at least.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I haven't had what can be considered as a normal growing up period. In fact i think it's pretty fucked up. But it's all i've got. And if there's something sweet in what i have as a memory, hell, it's good enough, right? Cause it's not like i'm gonna get anymore, as i enter a new period of my life next year, where i will go to some jungle island and learn to be a man.
Everyone has their own story to tell. This is mine. I've told my story for the past year. It has been sweet, it has been bitter.....a lot of bitter actually, but heck. And now......my story will enter another chapter very, very soon.
Good night, all.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Well, Mr. Jerry "Why the f*** are you still here???" is finally voted off the Idol competition. A big sigh of relief. Yesterday's competition was kinda a farce though. Only Olinda and Taufik managed to get a grasp of what disco was all about.
Let's see if they can recover from this farce next week.
Let's see if they can recover from this farce next week.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Oh my. Today was such an interesting day.
Well.....today is the last day we are officially Pioneers. Of course, the real thing is different, but still.....it's kinda quite scary. Imagine, 2 years......it all just goes so fast. Suddenly, the end is in sight, and all that you have known are about to disappear for ever......sad, really. Whatever happened?
Anyway......first thing, the Farewell Assembly......man, that was poignant. The vid they showed us.....it's the 2 years, encapsulated in full. I mean, that's another chapter of our lives gone by, you know? It's memories.....it's everything that is the symbol of your growth, from insecurity, to what you are now.....quite a few cried. I know. I almost did so too.
This is where you had grown......and where you will leave.
Enough of the sad stuff.
Well.....i won the 1st price for poetry writing.....woot! Time to see if this can work out......
And later on, everyone at the farewell dinner was having a blast. Except for my class......bleh. I always seemed to get the non-united classes.....it really is a big blot on my memories. Ah well......
Well, this really is it then.
Well.....today is the last day we are officially Pioneers. Of course, the real thing is different, but still.....it's kinda quite scary. Imagine, 2 years......it all just goes so fast. Suddenly, the end is in sight, and all that you have known are about to disappear for ever......sad, really. Whatever happened?
Anyway......first thing, the Farewell Assembly......man, that was poignant. The vid they showed us.....it's the 2 years, encapsulated in full. I mean, that's another chapter of our lives gone by, you know? It's memories.....it's everything that is the symbol of your growth, from insecurity, to what you are now.....quite a few cried. I know. I almost did so too.
This is where you had grown......and where you will leave.
Enough of the sad stuff.
Well.....i won the 1st price for poetry writing.....woot! Time to see if this can work out......
And later on, everyone at the farewell dinner was having a blast. Except for my class......bleh. I always seemed to get the non-united classes.....it really is a big blot on my memories. Ah well......
Well, this really is it then.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
A new all-time fave song, again from Alicia Keys:
Dairy (by Alicia Keys)
"I won't tell......your secrets
Your secrets are safe with meeee
I will keep...... your secrets
Just think of me as the pages in your diaryyyy"
Damned, this is one damned nice song. Very soulful......and its words holds deep meaning as well. Who can you find, who would keep your secrets as well as a diary.....and more? That's the ultimate form of trust......
Dairy (by Alicia Keys)
"I won't tell......your secrets
Your secrets are safe with meeee
I will keep...... your secrets
Just think of me as the pages in your diaryyyy"
Damned, this is one damned nice song. Very soulful......and its words holds deep meaning as well. Who can you find, who would keep your secrets as well as a diary.....and more? That's the ultimate form of trust......
Well, tomorrow is officially the last day of my JC career in PJC.
It's so strange, isn't it? For 2 years, i've laughed, cried, joked, did retarded things, got mad........so many things, happening at once. I firmly believe that PJC was the place where I truly built a memory worth having, not BPGHS. There, i've had my share of crap, no doubt, but it's also where i got my fair share of the good things in life for a change. For the first time, people have accepted me for what I am......and i've done my best to reciprocate that in turn. It's where i've started to really learn social skills, the place where i had my first true friend, where i first found real friendship, even, memories to last a lifetime.
And it all ends tomorrow.
Damned.
What else can I say?
It's so strange, isn't it? For 2 years, i've laughed, cried, joked, did retarded things, got mad........so many things, happening at once. I firmly believe that PJC was the place where I truly built a memory worth having, not BPGHS. There, i've had my share of crap, no doubt, but it's also where i got my fair share of the good things in life for a change. For the first time, people have accepted me for what I am......and i've done my best to reciprocate that in turn. It's where i've started to really learn social skills, the place where i had my first true friend, where i first found real friendship, even, memories to last a lifetime.
And it all ends tomorrow.
Damned.
What else can I say?
Monday, October 11, 2004
Complain complain complain.
What is it with people? I am stuck with complainers everywhere i go......it seems like i'm one of the few who knows when to shut up.
Sigh. Some people complain and complain. Why don't they ever shut up?
*coughTCcoughJCcoughSomeOtherPeoplecough*
What is it with people? I am stuck with complainers everywhere i go......it seems like i'm one of the few who knows when to shut up.
Sigh. Some people complain and complain. Why don't they ever shut up?
*coughTCcoughJCcoughSomeOtherPeoplecough*
Friday, October 08, 2004
This is probably a week late, but well........Beverly and Jessea were voted out on Singapore Idol last week, while the crap singer Jerry beat them all to survive.
WTF. Singapore voted out 2 of the best singers in there.
Today, Jerry survives AGAIN, while the constantly improving David gets kicked out. Another WTF.
Ok, granted, David is not as good a singer as Beverly or Jessea, but he's WAY better than a crap singer like Jerry, who SOMEHOWS manage to survive round after round of Idol.
And you know what? I believe it's got something to do with the fact that he proclaimed "Jesus Christ is my Lord!" or national TV. And probably the only reason he stays in is that Christians are keeping him in.
Woe is the day when religion hijacks good music.
WTF. Singapore voted out 2 of the best singers in there.
Today, Jerry survives AGAIN, while the constantly improving David gets kicked out. Another WTF.
Ok, granted, David is not as good a singer as Beverly or Jessea, but he's WAY better than a crap singer like Jerry, who SOMEHOWS manage to survive round after round of Idol.
And you know what? I believe it's got something to do with the fact that he proclaimed "Jesus Christ is my Lord!" or national TV. And probably the only reason he stays in is that Christians are keeping him in.
Woe is the day when religion hijacks good music.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Well.
I'm just......i don't know, it's hard to describe this feeling. Anyway......here i am, i've got a B for Literature for real, but it still doesn't erase the fact that i've flunked for the Prelims. And the 'A's are only less than a month away, and i.......i still don't know what i want in life. It seems like every path i'm interested in are so chock-full of impossibilities, it's not even worth the effort in the first place.
i know i sound like a loser saying this, but it really is bugging me to the point i don't even know what i'm living for anymore. If anything, i finally have some friends here in PJC, i'm just getting to know them better, and well, within a few months, they will become strangers to me while i rot in Tekong doing what i never wanted to do in the first place.
Why am i studying? I don't know......there's no job in this world i'm THAT interested in, and yet i don't want to be a bum, living off society like a leech. It's just that......it seems lke i've missed my role in life, i'm not supposed to be born here, i have no future here, what am i supposed to do?
Argh.
I'm just......i don't know, it's hard to describe this feeling. Anyway......here i am, i've got a B for Literature for real, but it still doesn't erase the fact that i've flunked for the Prelims. And the 'A's are only less than a month away, and i.......i still don't know what i want in life. It seems like every path i'm interested in are so chock-full of impossibilities, it's not even worth the effort in the first place.
i know i sound like a loser saying this, but it really is bugging me to the point i don't even know what i'm living for anymore. If anything, i finally have some friends here in PJC, i'm just getting to know them better, and well, within a few months, they will become strangers to me while i rot in Tekong doing what i never wanted to do in the first place.
Why am i studying? I don't know......there's no job in this world i'm THAT interested in, and yet i don't want to be a bum, living off society like a leech. It's just that......it seems lke i've missed my role in life, i'm not supposed to be born here, i have no future here, what am i supposed to do?
Argh.
Projected grade for Literature: C. Or B if i'm lucky
Grade for History: E. And by 1 point, at that
Grade for Economics: O. No improvement at all.
And less than 1 month to the 'A' Levels.
Who am i kidding?
Grade for History: E. And by 1 point, at that
Grade for Economics: O. No improvement at all.
And less than 1 month to the 'A' Levels.
Who am i kidding?
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Ok.......i got 20 and 18 for PC. That's good.
Seems like i'm achieving in Lit what i'm failing to do in History or Economics.
Ah crap. I don't wanna talk about this.
Seems like i'm achieving in Lit what i'm failing to do in History or Economics.
Ah crap. I don't wanna talk about this.
