[A.Z.] Everybody Hurts

Do i want to talk about my Prelims, at this point in time......?

I guess I have no choice.

A confirmed O for Economics. 46 for European History, an E, but it's gonna be another O if what i think about SEA History is true, as it most likely is. The only good news? A total of 32/50 for Gothic paper. 16 each for AP and R&G. Absolutely no idea whatsoever on the rest of Lit.

I just wanna crash into bed and never wake up........by now, i've lost all ideas of what it is they really want from me........

Well, what a Learning Journey today! Now this is what i call an educational trip, not the crap places we get taken to other times :p

Well, in the morning, we went to Kampung Lorong Buangkok, that last vestige of kampung life in cityscape Singapore. And what a culture shock. First things first, the Kampung is nothing like most Singaporean kids have ever seen, all unsanitized and haphazard, nothing like what Singapore is. However, that aside, the Kampung really is a good place to learn, as I saw for the first time what Singapore used to be like, and how, under the pressure of land developers, that history is disappearing before our very own eyes. If so, that would be such a shame too, for it really is a very cosy neighbourhood, despite the dirt. Unfortunately, neither the Government nor the land developers will be denied for long, and one day, Lorong Buangkok will disappear, erasing the last vestige of history forever.

Then, we went to the CBD, and basically had a history lesson of Singapore. Not much there to my thinking, but at the Burger King where i had lunch......i freaking saw the Singapore Idol finalists. woot!!!! Although i think i was a little impolite there though......sorry, Idols, just can't help it, you know :p

Where did we go next......ah, yes, Bukit Chandu, where Lt. Adnan and the Malay Regiment fought to the death against invading Japanese forces. Quite poignant, almost the same feelings as back in Kranji War Memorial.....although some of the exhibits looks fake, while there are those that are just laughable. Sad case, really. Still,

"I take my leave. The voices of those dead
follow my fading trail,
saying without words, yet in one voice,
"No more. Never again."

-"Kranji" by [A.Z.]

Finally, we went to the Choa Chu Kang cemeteries, and got another taste of death. What i felt there, was that......well, i didn't feel much for the old dead, although i did appreciate the existential questions the place raised, but i feel a special grief for those who died young, and worse, never got the chance to live at all. I wrote a speech detailing what i felt, but maybe i'll write it here another time.

Well, that's it then.

Well, the Prelims are over.

So how did i think i'll do? I dunno....i'm happy for some papers, and not so happy for some others......i'll see how this goes.

I've been listening to David Tao's Katrina a lot during the Prelim period, sometimes doing so 4 times in a row. And then, i fall to thinking of my Katrina, that one girl i would like to know better. No prizes for guessing who, huh?

Well, i've been thinking for a crazy idea for prom night. How about, i get some friends who are good at the guitar, practise the song after the 'A's, then at the prom, surprise her by singing the song and picking her out........

No. That's just a crazy idea. Never mind.

"The things you don't want to think about, always come back to haunt you. Always."

Why do i say that? Because the exact same thing just happened to me.

Well, ok, this is what happened. Some time ago, before i started this blog, i was friends with a girl in my cohort of the Dance Club, who i will call S. She was a pretty hybrid-blood girl, small in size and with a vivacious personality.

Then, for some reason, all that fell apart. Now she hates me actively, for some reason i don't even begin to understand. All that i know is, i don't wanna think about her any more, for she represented another of the painful aspects of my life i want to forget. So, we never talked to each other for......it's more than a year now.

Just now, she added me on her MSN. Without knowing who i was, and it was because she found my long-dormant address on her account. She didn't know who i was, but i knew it was her. And........

And, i told her to delete my address, without telling her who i really was. And so she did......i think.

Sigh. One of life's mistakes. Which came back to haunt me. When can i ever just forget this?

Another of my favourite songs:

Katrina (by David Tao)

"And I just want a chance to know you, to know the woman deep inside, yeah....yeah.......And I don't wanna look back on life, to see this missed opportunity, yeah....yeah......even as the risk of looking like a fool.....to you....."

What can i say? Another song that tells of the story of my life. Except that i've yet to "say hello" to my Katrina.....sigh. I've been listening a LOT of this song since the Prelim period......it does show that at times of great stress, people invariably gravitate back to the thing that gives them most comfort, which for me is music......more specifically, ballads such as this.

One day, i will say hello, to my Katrina......

Ok, fine, this blog is gonna stay. Can't throw everything away just because of a few long noses. But it's my stand, i write whatever i think, and no one's ever gonna shut me up again. It's my fucking thoughts, get it?

Well......exam time, what can i say? Except this time it's the Prelims. And i don't have that much in confidence. Sigh.....shit.

And i've finally broken into the ranks of top character RPers in NationStates. That's something to cheer about, huh?

Okay. Thanks a lot, everyone. I just got lectured yet again for my own private thoughts.

Who the hell was it who checked here and spread it all over to where i never wanted this to go? When i spread this out, i expected it to be localized within a small area. How the hell did this spread out so far and wide?

Great. Now it's likely i'm in trouble. For my own private thoughts.

Nobody should tell me what i should think, get that? Whatever i think is my own business. I should not have to be subject to brainwashing to "benefit the community at large". It's my own private thoughts, okay? Not some goddamned kiss-the-ass politically-correct publishing. My OWN thoughts.

It's over. This blog will disappear within a few days. And it's all thanks to you, that prying eye who spread it out so far, even my parents knew about this now. No more A.Z. for anyone, anymore.

Goodbye. I have nothing more to say.

To the mystery Christian tagger who lambasted me for having no faith in the "family of Christ":

Ok, let's get things straightened out here. First off, DO NOT freaking talk to me as if i was already a Christian. I hate that, and let's make this clear, i hold faith in NO ideology for now.

Now we have that clear, let's go to the second point. If you want to talk to me, IDENTIFY yourself if you want to lecture me. Otherwise, keep ya freaking trap shut.

Finally, the last point. DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD, OR SHOULD NOT DO. And that goes for "losing faith" in anything. Let's make this clear. I have little faith in anything to begin with, even though outwardly that doesn't seem the case. That's it, end of story.

Anything else?

I guessed as much.

-DELETED DUE TO PRYING EYES-

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 明 Akira (bright).
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Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

I've neglected to mention 1 song, which is also one of my all-time faves:

Leaving On A Jet Plane (by John Denver/ Chantal Kreviazuk)

"I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when i'll be back again.......oh babe, i hate to go......."

This is one damned nice song. It's so poignant......country music does have its charms sometimes. What a nice parting song......it's so sweet, it's a scene setter. No wonder it made it in the movie Armageddon.