[A.Z.] Everybody Hurts

Happy New Year!!!!!

New Year's Eve is over, and tomorrow is school day. Sigh.

On a lighter note, last night was good. Well, truth is, it was boring up until near the countdown, then it got pretty interesting. I called Abigail to wish her happy new year, and she was doing HW......:S Go figure. Then, at midnight, Jan 1 2004, the ships blew their horns. Did it blow!!! It was like an orchestra, it nearly was music! That was real cool

Happy New Year, everyone.

That's it. I'm not gonna be seeing my dear 403 people tomorrow. No one i can identify with. That family gathering i'm definitely not looking forward to is an inevitability. Then it'll be 2004, and another crap year. No class reunion.

I've wasted yet another holiday season. I'm still the loser i was. Nobody will care if i die today. Well, maybe that's not exactly true, but that's the way i feel now. My family? I'm still living under a cloud of underachievement, I keep thinking i've failed them somehow, and the way they treat me doesn't suggest anything else, although they're nice enough. Abigail? She'll probably be the last to know, and even then i'm not sure whether she'll care, much as i like to believe she will, as much as i trust her. PJC people? Ha. They'll probably throw a party. BPGHS people? They might react better if they even knew. Who knows, if i die so horribly i'm unrecognizable, they won't even know til they see my obituary.

On another note, 2004 is here. A time for cheer and new beginnings, they say. But i know better. It's just going to be another year of political strife, terrorism, another year of me being scapegoated, razzed as a weirdo, left psychologically high and dry, and all that.

This is going nowhere, isn't it?

Anyway, i'll still do something meaningful for the last day in a year to forget. I'll probably call old buddies, see how they do. Especially Abigail. Yeah, i'll call her. If i can muster up the courage to talk past her dad.

:S

Loser.

Well, just 2 more days before the Year 2004. And I'm still stuck not knowing what will happen.

The New Year's Eve i had last year was the best i ever had in my life. Because? Simply because, it was the only one in my life i shared with close friends. Yes, by close friends, I mean the guys from Class 403, Bukit Panjang Government High School. Soon, it'll be exactly a year that i've never seen some of them. Rebecca, Sam Tan, Xiaobin, Ruishen, Kenny, Ruisong, they've all but vanished. I hope they are happy still. Even though i left a little too early, it was still the best i had.

Now? I probably will have no plans for New Year, again. Then i'll have to join a family gathering. Sigh......

I miss them. I really do. Never got the chance to tell them that. But i really do. I miss the sense of belonging, the only kind i really, truly, had. I lost it all almost exactly a year ago. Will i find that sense of belonging again?

The chance is slim, but i'm still hoping. Hoping for the impossible.

Merry Christmas. To everyone but me, that is. This must be the worst yet. Left alone at home. Had to settle for playing games all day. Settled my own meals. They came back at 10PM. That's it. Everyday stuff, but the fact that this is Christmas just compounds the pain.

How can anyone understand i'm still just another person who needs companionship? Sure i'm weird. Sure i seem to be cold at times. Sure i reject most people. But still i need someone to go through my life with me. Somebody to laugh with me when i'm happy, and someone i can hug when i'm not.

But no, i still hear that i'm the butt of jokes. i still hear that people hate me. And never do i have any contact with old friends. Where have they gone to? I still don't know.

Enough of the sob story.

"..longsuffering under same species of mr lim kai.."

WTF??? Thanx a lot, juan. Rub it in, why don't you? Tell everyone how weird i am, why don't you? Gossip, gossip, gossip......so much for being a Christian. So much for your praying. So much for your self-righteousness. So much I hope you stumble across this. I hope you expose yourself for who you really are: a self-pitying, gossiping poor excuse for a person.

Live and let live, isn't that the mantra of all?

Damn.

Yup, The Return Of The King is the best Lord Of The Rings movie ever!!! I'm not even going to bother trying to explain how so, you'll have to see it for yourself.

Nothing much else.

My parents are coming home today. And i don't know whether that's good or bad. Hmmmm........

I'm going to see the LOTR:ROTK sneak preview tomorrow. Heard it's the best out of all the LOTR movies. Hope it's true.

Might be coming up with another poem soon. After so long.

It's been a while since i blogged. But my life is SOOO damn boring, it took this long just to have something new to write.

Firstly, I'm now shortlisted for soloist in the upcoming Infinity school musical. Hmm......i may not have gotten into main cast, but soloist is almost just as good, if i can make it, that is.......

Secondly, my entire family went on vacation last Saturday, and i had to stay behind because i had the play rehearsals. But who's complaining? Not me. I've been home alone since then, and it's all working out pretty well......except that the weather is not letting me dry my clothes......Grrrrr.

Thirdly, i've been out and about, and met Abigail twice at Suntec, where she's selling things for charity. Helped her out at her booth, along with her NJC friends.....was a little embarassing since i didn't know them, but they were pretty nice. Abigail? She's still the same as ever, and i love her just that way.

Fourth, i've gotten back my SAT results......1360? Just 40 short of 1400.......damn. Heck, it's as close as no matter.

Well, that's all, for now. No poetry either, my life's too boring for any inspiration.